Dry humping a girl for an hour and then jizzing in your pants doesn't count as losing it.
her tits were misleading. turns out she wasn't cool, smart and funny
He jacked off on my pillow when he found out I left. It was like coming home and finding that your dog, with separation anxiety, had pooped in your shoes. I think I'm flattered...
I had fun this weekend too. According to Web MD, my symptoms say I had a miscarriage.
It was fun, but I mean, any day that starts with shower tequila is bound to be good.
Oh yea... In other news I've decided to get an external hard drive and start getting music from all the guys I'm fucking... Do you think a terabyte would be enough storage space?
It gives me purpose in life to help fulfill nerdy fantasies. Like I'm doing something good for mankind and having multiple orgasms in the process.
I'm not sure. But a mason jar of drug free urine just as soon as anyone can would be so awesome.
I don't want to get pregnant doggy style. That's sad.
Dropped the bowl in the litter box. But it landed face up. What do I do?
So I pass out narcotics if its a girl?
we should most definitely have a fire extinguisher in the apartment. like... for sure
Have you ever wondered if we are just made up characters in someone's head? You'll have to forgive me right now I think I have 7 thumbs
11:30 and people are pissing in the sink. It's gonna be a good night.
In hindsight I shouldn't have been blasting Antichrist Superstar if I didn't want to seem suspicious driving up to a Catholic church
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