Why would you say my penis is small in front of so many people?
I just found blacked-out interviews on my voice recorder. Go journalism.
I didn't think it was possible, but that girl next door is even louder when drunk.
dude, I feel like I need to get my gf's roommate a gift. something that says, sorry you walked in on me getting blown. suggestions?
Cops just came and got two guys out of my class. I can't do college. Seriously cannot rage at this school anymore.
Would be in best interest to sanitize the DVDs
There is a chick at the bar in a bumble bee onesie, complete with wings. Yeah, I must be back in Seattle.
pssssst. you dropped everyone else off and forgot about me. im in the backseat of your car still. can you please come back outside and either let me out or take me home?
He woke me up, handed me a ringing phone and said break up w her for me. That hung over.
I'm sitting on the toilet eating a taco... I feel like a female Elvis.
I want falafel more than sex right now. That's really saying something for me...
you know you're in deep when you watch fear and loathing in las vegas and every damn scene is relatable.
meow
use your words like a big girl
i ran over your cat.
He fucked me so hard my contacts fell out! Didnt know that was possible.
I smell like beef jerky
That's among the sexiest things you've ever said to me.
Randomize
