Sometimes your consistent use of proper punctuation makes me nervous D:
Things he has used as lube on me: olive oil, cologne, purell, spit, tanning oil, and bottled hotel lotion
He needs to save up for some actual ky before my vagina gets an allergic reaction
you're the best thing to happen to me. closely followed by learning to ejaculate, and drugs.
Working out to an exercise video on OnDemand. Also, drinking beer and eating cream cheese with a side of bagel in between stretches.
he turned two sober chicks into 7 drunken girls...he's my hero
Dude it was a mini horse. It obviously only eats mini things.
do you remember yelling at the waitress that you were a power bottom?
I broke up with him in the bar & then asked him if he wanted to have a contest to see who gets the most numbers. I say I took that break up well
I hate it when fuck holes buy me drinks at the bar. You don't know my order. You don't know me. You don't know where I've been. You don't know my life.
Just recreated a sandwich from the caf in my own kitchen. Graduation denial at it's finest.
i woke up with a kayak in my amazon shopping cart with 1 wrong digit on my credit card and the transaction wasn't going through.
Yeah so then I used the selfie stick his mom gave me to take nudes
We broke the bed while I was handcuffed to the headboard and let's just say that was a hard one to explain to the RA
The dicks good but it's not two trains and a bus good.
I'm hungover and eating lunch at an elementary school. The children are barking. Litrealy barking, like dogs.
Randomize
