I really wish i had a penis so i could dick slap that bitch right now
Michelle and I recorded her bunny humping it's little rubber black ball.
i was drunk and our names rhymed...what was i supposed to do?
The stripper on stage Is eating a mozzarella stick while on the pole....that's a new level of I don't give a fuck
Woke up on the kitchen floor cuddling with the dummy we made of you. Hope your internship is going well.
That girl that gave me a blowjob, I think I fired her last year.
You said eat breakfast. So i poured Baileys on top of m&m's. It taste just like like cereal I swear.
I thought you just gave him blowjobs and he criticized your drug use.
I just witnessed my first non cocain induced sunrise in five years.
Not my cup of tea
He said it. He actually said "yes it's in".
We won 11 games of beer pong, and then I spent a half hour trying to get into the top bunk. Then i realized it was a cabinet in the bathroom
I'm not saying you did or didn't sleep with him but he's has your thong hanging from his ceiling fan
I found her in my pantry with her shirt off twerking...I tapped her on the shoulder and she said she was giving Chef Boyardee a show and to give her a minute...
You sent me a snapchat of you hugging a beer with the caption "best friend"
That has got to be a joke. No human eats that much grass and lives to tell the tale.
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