i'm having a wet tshirt contest with myself and yet i'm still losing
I think even Ryan Seacrest is disgusted with the thought of Ryan Seacrest getting some.
You came in at two thirty, wearing your underwear and a tie then asked where you could find a sombrero and a pair of stilletos that would fit your men's size thirteen feet.
it'll be like the batcave but for manwhores
saying that you may be able to suck the gay out of me was just my way of getting a blowjob...thank you for the valiant effort.
That kid who fell through your coffee table is here. In a toga.
Chang gave me a 1.5 gallon beer tasting cup, i have a new boyfriend with a huge stick, Members of the Irish Rugby team slapped my ass and cheered for firmness, and a couple of strangers are naming the child after me. Best. Weekend.Ever.
the day has come. I have finally reached the point in my life where I just don't give a fuck about anything anymore. it's beautiful!
I just cut open the plastic package of a Plan B pill using the bottle opener I carry in my purse. #whyidrink
Idk my boobs are big but i dont think theyre hide a flask in them big..
are you listening to the theme from Jurassic Park whilst pooping?
I found myself looking up beard accounts while masturbating, I guess that's what it's come to.
Hypothetically speaking, at what point does fire become too much fire?
Its official. The summoning powers of my vagina are unmatched by anything in this world
Do you lock your house? Serious question, I need to know if I can add it to my list of emergency poop stops
Randomize
