you think the cum will come out of moms black shirt?
I just found 3 condoms in my math textbook... in the probability section... Under dependent and independent events...
He spent the whole night convincing me I wasn't fat, but after we had sex he said "Oh, I see what you mean"
i just remembered i chipped my tooth last night when i pulled up your pants zipper with my teeth
No worries you cant actually turn into a wine snob if you brew it in your closet....
he gave me a new purse full of weed and five boxes of samoas for my birthday. best boyfriend ever.
Koalas always seemed like really high little puppy kittens to me.
Will that be creepy to wake him up at midnight with my tongue all over his body??
Yeah.. I'm sorry I broke your phone. But in my defense you handed me the frying pan.
He yelled at me to keep it in my pants and I replied with I will fuck your roommate as much as I please. Oops
She's not answering my calls
Well it sounds like you really fucked up
WHO HOLDS A GRUDGE OVER MEMES
My sinuses still burn from snorting red wine last night.
If he has a beard, chances are, that’s an open invitation to sit on his face
Bug bite on my vagina. I think we need to stop this 'sex in awesome places campaign.'
My theory is if i keep drinking, evolution will kick in and I will grow a bigger, faster, and more improved liver by January.
Randomize
