We walked 2 miles, legit 2 miles, and purchased 7 half gallons. One for each of us. Intense
She made Precious look like a solid 6.5.
She just got in car wreck. Wreck sex is better than break up sex
i'm not sure when it happened but apparently now it's topless bar night, im wearing a leotard and everyone is looking at me like i'm cheating.
260 beers this month. I need a new hobby.
Jesus Christ, she just started playing Enya and is humming along to it. Way, way, way too hungover to deal with her shitty taste in music
im wtih 32a right now bc 34d is on her period. now i know how girls feel when their hookups go from magnums to regulars
Whiskey shot with bacon bits, our version of Goldschlager WE ARE TRYIN IT.
They left me stranded on the side of the road with a table and five gallons of water. They said it was all I really needed to survive. People are staring
And I was chasing apple pie moonshine (provided by cops) with bud light limeys. In a golf cart, wearing a tiara.
I'm beginning to think that women just have dogs at home as an excuse to leave ASAP after hooking up, without sounding like a typical guy.
Nope. Too much basics going on right now. I'm tying you both up and throwing you to the vibrating sexy toy sharks. You shall either sink or get off gloriously.
he told me that he only likes small dogs. I should have known he was going to end up being little bitch.
I'm kind of pissed I'm not hungover, that means I could have totally drank more last night.
He’s exactly what I’m looking for: he’s got a broken heart, a working penis and a new boat!!!
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