I feel like if im whacking off more now that i have a gf than i did when i was single, somethings wrong.
just fell over trying to sit on the toliet like a robot.
smelt my brothers hands when he got home to see if he lied about smoking again...he didn't lie but i definitely didn't expect to smell some other girls vagina.
We had to go visit his dealer in the hospital to buy some weed.
Everyone is slow dancing to Aerosmith. I am serenading a slice of pizza.
well his nickname is liver of steel so it makes sense that his balls follow suit. tell him i say sorry
I opened my door to find him standing there with vodka, McDonalds, a smile and a hard-on. Of course I let him in.
ask me again when I'm sobewr aka tuesday
I woke up wearing a headband made of condoms. It was supposed to be a crown for the "prettiest fag hag" award I won last night. There is lube in my hair. I'm going back to sleep
I have accepted that I am a sexual predator. What I can't accept is the lack of sexual men for me to seduce in this town.
I swear if he puts my hand anywhere near his dick tonight I'm "accidentally" leaving all my rings on
still not dressed at 5:00, jacking off watching men's figure skating and hoping my weird roommate doesn't walk in. anybody who says idk how to have fun is wrong
I just kept hitting the drum to get thru the crowd to the bar. Surprisingly it worked
I guess what I'm trying to get to is that my dog sneezed on my dick earlier and its really taken the joy out of my evening.
I could see the visible disappointment when she saw my penis
Randomize
