I seriously wish I was FB friends with her
Using pot as a way to stop crying probably isn't a good sign huh?
Meh, some people pop Prozac, you smoke weed. Po-tay-to. po-tah-to
We can make salsa ya know, maybe even some hot sauce. That doesn't mean we're married.
I have two girls sleeping in my bed naked and I ended up making it to class, what were you saying about staying in on the weekdays?
whispering "taste the rainbow" well having sex isn't my biggest turn on.
I have no idea what happened last night, but you're the only person I remember smashing my face into. Be honored.
so just saw tiger woods pull a page out of his wifes book and hit some kid in the head with a golf club
You walked in on me taking a shit and told me to hit the bong
i got two bottles of merlot and sorrows to drown, you in??
There's a bachlorette party going on at the bowling alley, so we'll see who wins greatest shitshow tonight.
I think I want to impress his gay best friend more than him..
PLEASE DON'T BE HEARTLESS COME AND GET ME FROM THE BAR I'M HIGH AS SHIT AND I LOST MY SHOES
If your plan is to re-bang every girl you banged in high school - you're gonna need a spread sheet and clip board.
Never should have deleted her from my facebook. My new girl is so much hotter than she is, I just want to passive aggressively rub it in her face
I woke up wearing mittens dude
I woke up in my bathtub with the potted plant from downstairs.
checkmate.
Randomize