In The Air Tonight was playing in the dentist's office. Had to stop the cleaner to do the drums.
You drew a lightning bolt on your eye and stomach in eye liner and made me sing Poker face with you in harmonies. I never knew you were still a music major when you were drunk.
the crazy preacher outside Willard just began a monologue that began with "when i look at a vagina." We should stop by there more often
It is scary how often "just flash him" is your advice.
Needing to keep one leg on the floor during sex so you dont spin should qualify for some kind of drunk award.
asked the girl next to us on line to take a picture of us and she shared her bacardi. i love white people.
nah, they dropped the charges. apparently ripping his junk when he tried to hop the fence seemed like punishment enough...
we found him. outside on the balcony, sitting on a bucket, with his pants off, swearing he was'nt taking a dump
judging from the number of limes and box of kosher salt on the counter therell be 8.5 gallons of tequila drunk this weekend.
sounds about right
Idk every story shes told me thats started with "back when i was a lesbian" has been my new favorite story
I am here to underwhelm you with my vagina
I just feel like everything is too perfect
He's probably a serial killer or chronic masturbator
Or both. Which is common
I haven't showered. And am sitting in the office smelling like a beer can someone's been using as an ash tray.
He passed out with his shoes on 20 minutes till midnight, and I didn't have a sharpie so I took the cheese whiz and filled his exposed ass crack.
The expiration date on my 40 is the same day as my 21st birthday
Randomize
