It's not a real calculator it's a math calculator
He started yelling "we're making a baby" mid thrust.. probably not the right guy for me right?
Never name a vibrator after ashton kutcher
so, i drunkenly called my religious roomie because i was lost and told her if she couldn't come find me, jesus would condemn her to hell for not leading me to the light .. too much?
this is hardly the first time i've been told i'm dressed "too suggestively" for 7 in the morning.
I mean I had a leg brace. It would have been irresponsible for me to be on top.
She used the introduce me to her roommates so she could find out my name trick the next morning..I may be in love.
Ya I got a cut on my head from the toilet seat last time I drank there.
when life gives you lemons, puke and rally.
We have to have sex while I'm dressed as a tiger. It's one of my life goals
Yeah bro I don't know how she's gonna explain the black eye, how else do you tell your boss "my knee hit me in the face during sex last night"
Hostess is going out of business we'll never survive the apocalypse
I love you, but it's "shark week" I'll make it up to you with naked breakfast.
She came out of my bathroom wearing nothing but high top Converse, a leather jacket and a tongue stud. I love rock bars.
I am such a fucking liability at weddings. I ended up making out with this married 40-year-old that told me that basically if I came home with him and be a sex partner for him and his wife, I would never have to pay for anything again. Extremely considered it.
Randomize
