He walked into my room in the middle of the night, whispered something about the patriot act, and took my tv.
I knew it was gonna be a rough night when the guys next to us at Relay for Life started shot gunning beers and yelling "This ones for all the hot chicks that went bald because of cancer". It kinda went downhill from there....
do you find it slutty that the last person I had sex with is also the person who sings my ringtone ?
Can you tell me how this chicken finger got in my pillow case?
I swear to god, if you fuck the hot one you're paying me back for the shot I just bought her
This guy punched out a light, puked in the sink, stole the mailbox, then tried to tell ME that I had to leave the party... Then his dog shit on the floor.
He started screaming when he saw my dog. He thought it was a polar bear
If he thinks that that is an acceptable way to ask me out he is out his goddamn ginger mindddddd.
It's gay softball weekend. Lots of hot gay strangers to go home with.
Well I just found the most comfortable way to pass out on my toilet if I ever have to.
Its a good thing to know for upcoming events.
female sloths literally scream when they want sex and can be heard up to 700 meters away
i think i might be a female sloth
What alcohol should i drink Saturday to completely hate life?
But I don't wanna live with them bc I need to be able to walk around naked and sex on any surface guilt free.
My mom just said we can't get married in nude body suits to look like earthworms. She's ruining my life.
When I finally came to, I was in the DJ booth wearing his headphones while he was spinning. That's all I got.
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