be a good friend and just tell me i'm not pregnant
did you hook up at the wedding?
No but I jerked off on the hotel sheets. I wanted to get my moneys worth.
I seriously just washed my dick in a public restroom. That's how dirty last night got
Just had a nice conversation with my landlord while cleaning your puke off my car
My life now consists of 2 time frames. BV before vibrator and AD after death of my sex life.
It was like stroking your vagina with a cloud.
This is the most boring acid ever. I feel like a child. But thats okay, I've been a child before, its nothing new.
His baby mama found the pictures of us, she couldn't see my face but she could see my asshole. So I'm safe.
We just catapulted a jelly bean off of his hard dick into his mouth.......Happy Easter!
I made a separate snapchat account so I could swap nudes with a guy from omegle.
Why do all of your bad decisions sound like fucked up mad libs?
the police dropped me off. that's how my night went.
I'm going to go ahead and refrain from sexting you in an airport that is currently at a "level orange" security threat.
Sorry I can't pick up... thought process is fine but too stoned to form words.
After this weekend my vagina will follow his penis anywhere. It’s like the pied piper, but with penis
She fucked a bartender in a closed Applebee’s and has the nerve to call me easy
Randomize
