That's why you don't touch shit after fingering somebone
We just found a handle of vodka in our fridge and no one knows how it got there. God I love spring break.
My TA just asked me why I was late to class. How do I say because I was having the best orgasm of my life in Arabic?
Ugh I hate you, and the responsible adult life I pretend to have during daylight hours
Of course the first guy who sees my nipple piercings is a Catholic from Nebraska who won't do anything but dry hump me.
Just high enough for therapy.
I GOOGLED IT. BEES CAN MASTURBATE. WHAT.
I literally have nothing else left to cut besides my drug budget; the dark days are among us
Oh my god I would go to planned parenthood the same day I get my nipples pierced
The woman in the flower onesie is claiming she hasn't been drinking.
We fucked, she finished, high fived me, the pulled a celebratory pack of gushers out of her purse for each of us. I'm going to marry your sister dude.
I just want the relationship Bob and Linda Belcher have- is that too much to ask?!
I am 95% sure I just heard my cat say "What are you doing home? It's Saturday night."
I mean, we were all drinking, but I'm pretty sure kidnapping came up.
Just because you are home alone for the weekend doesn't mean you can act like a nudist.
I accept your opinion but respectfully disagree. Also, I'm sitting in your chair.
Randomize
