allegedly i woke up at 5am sat in the dishwasher and peed
It's pretty bad when the convenient store clerk can tell you that you're earlier than usual for visiting the store.
i don't think you understand, blowjobs are like flowers for guys.
hah yeah. there was a kid puking in the bathroom and this idiot brings in a potted plant and was like "yeah he's like, not getting enough oxygen"
Please, do not let 'babydaddy' catch on as your petname for me.
I'm not sure, but I think she had a tampon in when we fucked
We've done the math and the dogs tails are wagging at a rate of 3000 wags per hour. Stoned.
I figured you left because I was a shit show. Were you still there when I got locked in the bathroom and didn't know where I was? If not, that could have been a dream. I'm still not sure.
YOU GOT KINKY WEIRD ICE CREAM HEAD ON FRIDAY DONT EVEN COMPLAIN.
When I said 'i love my boyfriend' I didn't mean 'send me a picture of your penis'.
I am way too attached to fictional lesbians.
It would be like a dance party with a dick inside you. I think that's what Ke$ha wants for the world.
Then this bride walked into the bar, she thought it would be a good idea to hug her & then she started playing parachute with her train.
I'm gonna give the beer pong table a viking pyre funeral at the bon fire.
Is it bad that I have more guilt over drunk eating Doritos than hooking up with my ex's best friend last night?
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