I told her it just looked small because my balls were gigantic. She bought it.
i'm sending her a home depot gift card for the hole i put in her wall. call it good?
Probably should plan this out. Step one: grow stache. Two: get trenchcoat. Three: Kidnap Selena Gomez.
I had better be fucking involved with step four.
I told her I had to go to work this morning, got fully dressed in a suit, walked her out, drove around the block, parked, and walked right back in my apt and went back to sleep..
she danced around my room naked waving around the gold trojan magnum condoms singing "i have the golden ticket."
little did she know i was taping her the whole time.
woke up at my desk with a paper in front of me that says "people stranded on islands love having wet dreams" what the fuck happened last night
So, i took all the condoms from his nightstand, not in the crazy ex way, but in the I paid for them way.
Its not even 10am and we are talking about what guys assholes we would finger.
THC water in my coffee on the way to work. How's your Tuesday?
Got into Princeton. So excited about the mommy-issue-over-achieving-cock I get to ride the next 4 years!!!
I'm glad the semester is over. I need a break from the term "whiskey sharts" coming up so much in conversation.
I ran into cvs barefoot with my belt undone and shirt buttoned wrong and didn't even have to ask. The guy working pointed and said "they're back there."
That's how I look going for the pbr.
Can you tell dad to stop liking and sharing porn on FB again?
I wonder what dick looks like without astigmatism?
Nothing is more confusing than dreaming about being chased by jets, then waking up with an erection.
Randomize
