the cure to his relationship is in or around my vagina.
Just woke up. I have a "Detective Jacob Arnold's" business card in my pocket.
She threw up everywhere and is crying about a fictional character who died on Grey's Anatomy
I jerked off enough times today to safely commit to the fact that im not getting laid tonight
Dude... there's chunks of hair all over the floor, and no one knows how they got there. You guys just made out right?
Getting arrested together sounded so much more fun in theory.
Strip beer pong in the front yard? Of course the cops showed up
Sorry I forced you to take an adderall at 1am and then proceeded to dance to Lose Yourself outside of Qdoba.
I think I should advise against you hooking up with a guy that throws "the shocker" up in all of his pictures on facebook. Just sayin.
Please explain why there is a video of you peeing in the Taco Bell bathroom on my phone? Also why did you wink at the end?
I really hope your new roommate never finds out we had a threesome with a bisexual British guy in his room the night before he moved in.
My greatest achievement in life thus far is being the go to friend when you have questions about butt plugs.
I lost my pants last night, she told me I walked into their room after leaving 5 minutes before wearing my thong.....and no pants. I have absolutely no idea where I left them.
You full on peed your pants then resurrected yourself like Jesus Christ...
I just watched your fat stupid son get hit by a Prius. Ran right in front of it. He's all right . But... Maybe you should have taught him to look both ways like a responsible parent does.
Randomize