you got so mad from losing a game of beerpong that you went into another room by yourself and practiced for an hour and a half.
i stopped calling them hangovers and started calling mornings a long time ago.
can you imagine how much money lesbians save on birth control?!?
bitches.
i hope whoever thought of bagged wine flip cup last night has the same hangover as me. not ok.
sticking your hands in the toilet to wash your face is not acceptable. ever. i don't care how drunk you are.
Hi. I probably already told you this mid puke, but thanks again for babysitting me last night. How did I get in the car?
dude wearing that thong all day was not worth the 7 bucks
We need to pull ourselves out of this slump. We need dick and lots of it. We are going to fuck our way to happiness.
Just rescued a super cute pair of Gucci heels off the sorority lawn on my way to work. Things are worth two paychecks. Fuck trust fund kids.
Happiness is the polar opposite of catching your dad watching holiday themed porn
You don't understand, we were on a waffle house. Both of us were absolutely certain we passed out at his place then BAM! Waffle house.
Just text the random number in my iphone notes that was entered at 1am. Should be interesting.
Successfully defrauded the county government. What have you done today?
He spilled some of his beer on your shoulder then proceeded to lick it off. By the face you made, I don't know if you were completely horrified or really turned on.
I am confused/concerned about the circumstances that led to your consumption of 3 beta fish last night.
Randomize
