Sarah Palin just quit. Happy Independence day!
God Bless America!
So im using the back of a keystone box as notecard for my presentation
It's sad really how 5 am brings with it a distinction from drunken to pathetic.
You dont realize corn stalks will cut until you run from the cops through a corn field.
I was trying to be a bartender for my boyfriend and his friends last night, but I was too drunk so I just kept bringing them ice cubes in my hand.
Haha...we lost by one cup to a guy w shitty facial hair. What makes me most mad abt the loss is that I could grow a better beard on my vag.
I though us hooking up in the field was your way of saying you were an outdoors person
FridayRule: If it takes you longer than 5 minutes to find a parking spot, you don't have class today
How high are you?
I feel like breakfast can just fly into my mouth
I get a nose bleed and my uncle is automatically giving me the "your doing lines off dashboards again aren't you" look
he said he was going grocery shopping but when he came back all he had was a jumbo bag of pancake mix and case of beer.
the essentials, lol
40s are totally the cure
it's not rock bottom until you fall down an escalator on the way home from a hookup and have to have you dad come pick your drunkass up at 3am. Adulthood.
THIS FUCKNUGGET
DOES HE EVEN REALIZE HOW MANY INCREDIBLE INSULTS I'VE WASTED ON HIM
I'VE INSULTED THE EVERLOVING SHIT OUT OF HIM AND HE CAN'T EVEN APPRECIATE IT
THE HO
all i remember is walking home without my pants on... when i woke up i was sleeping in between my parents in their bed, no more whiskey wednesdays
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