I am drunk raised to the nth degree. The possibility of getting sick is approaching infinity.
Don't fret. That vag would have consumed a lesser man.
Literally 6000 elephants in my backyard.
Bars not open yet, I feel like a desperate alcoholic wandering around outside.
But when he came on my stomach I noticed how tan I was!
drunk doesnt even begin to explain it. he said he was going to get playing cards from the lobby and came back 20 minutes later with a full set of sheets.
Put you drinking hat aside for Tuesday. My buddy is bartending!
I just puked in my drinking hat.
I'm glad we are bonding over both contracting clamidya. Winners.
100%
So I think my aunt and her one legged boyfriend are getting it on in the next room. Traumatized does not even begin to describe what I am right now
It's a goat... but where the fuck did it come from?
I found my spirit animal in the shower. It's a sloth/bear that lives in my chest.
I need a drink. No, several. I need several drinks. Drunk, I need to be drunk. Definitely need to be drunk
It was a strange night. I made out with his college roommate and said "do you care?" beforehand.
FYI telling a guy that you're glad his dick isn't big after giving him a bj, is NOT a compliment.
He's finally divorcing her, so naturally he tells me that we're not exclusive anymore. His penis 'wants what it wants' apparently.
Randomize
