haha I love it when I find out that girls who were mean to me in middle school are now some random dude's baby mama. thanks, facebook.
There is a semi-attractive guy at the door who's looking for you. Says he met you on Chatroulette. Start explaining NOW.
Did we both pass out talking about cake last night?
Ugh I just wanna make an announcement like: Attention high school classmates: if we haven't spoken in 5 years, we don't need to start now. Please be on your way
My grandpa is giving me detailed instructions on how to fight a second floor bedroom fire from a ladder on the out side. Just in case
Well since its impossible for me to swallow a pill this big I'm making wine slushies out of them
The look on the dr's face when she asked me the last time i had sex and i responded "like an hour and a half ago" ... priceless
Question: trumpet bong. Can it work.
I'm just gonna go with where the wind takes me. if it takes me to his dick, so be it.
It looks like a baby bear tried to chew off my nipples.
ill dress up as a sperm donor and you can go as the cup....
Okay first of all, that is a sick ass nickname please call me that forever. Second, i need your help.
What are you gunna do with your life today
put it back together
This chick just walked out of the men's room with molly all over her nose and her shirt half unbuttoned. She nodded to all of us and said "gentlemen" as she exited
You stocked up?
No actually didn’t get a chance. If you wouldn’t mind bringing me a brownie and a bottle of Jameson that’d be nice
Randomize
