found a dugout with weed in it in dad's car. decided to top up the weed compartment with salvia. for fun.
I'm sooo using this pickup line: "Baby, its not the 2.5 inches... Its the 200 pounds behind it"
4 words: hood of his car
If it makes you feel better, you're better at taking it in than ass than she is...
Well...yeah actually, that does make me feel better
It's mornings like this that make me happy to have a clean pair of underwear in my purse.
nothing like Chinese food and masturbating on a Saturday night
It was relaxing until your penis crawled in my ear.
antibiotics and champagne: breakfast of champions
I'm naked, I'm drunk, and I'm all up on social media right now
Before he left he told me if his girlfriend ever finds out, she'll take us both to an alley and kill us.
Today is a shit your pants at work kinda day
How did the date go? No fake eyeballs this time?
Sex to movie scores is my best choice of the year. You've had an orgasm but have you had an orgasm with an entire orchestra.
Last thing I remember I was riding on a picnic table being hauled around by a lawn mower with an empty case of bud light on my head...
Imma make him fuck me with my jersey on tonight while I chant Go Jets Go. Gotta love playoff hockey szn.
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