she was definitely a virgin. no ones that bad unless theyre a virgin
your sister was..
Remember that one time i smeared period blood on your face?
I hate you
found a pic of my little bro & his girl naked. he got the brains and the huge junk gene. I hate him
I just got while a charlie horse while orgasming...most confusing feeling ever...
You threw a bottle at the bartender and then stole his tip jar. However, you were quickly KO'd by the bartender. Solid right hook.
He just sent me a winky face in the middle of setting up a drug deal. You don't do that.
We will have to go big on the 4th! Nothing says independence like the impending doom of an ankle monitor
I'm not asking you to commit. I'm politely asking your penis to be my friend.
My bed smells like stale sex...I want it to smell like fresh sex, I miss you.
Sometimes crazy just comes naturally. I don't need booze to say that on occasion I feel the need to rip off my asshole and throw it against the fridge to see if it sticks.
I have a bruise on dick where you tried to "high five" me.
Benefits of having to stay in jail for the weekend: learned how to make my own make up out of colored pencils. Also how to make use of toothpaste for hair products. Downfall was probably getting hit on by a murderer. Only me.
God, please protect all woman from micro-penises
Speaking of which.. there's underwear in my backseat and Arby's cheese sauce on my door handle. So much for my new Volvo bringing out my classy side.
I dropped a piece of Mac and cheese in the shower and I almost still ate it. Stoned, but not stoned enough to degrade myself.
Randomize
