two pink lines on a pregnancy test is bad, isn't it?
only if you didn't want to fuck up your life.
Just remembered to take my BC at the liquor store. Just swallowed it with a free sample of Whiskey.
I think I'm going to wait until after Halloween to call off the wedding. No need to ruin my favorite holiday.
This is going to be BYOBM Vegas trip: Bring Your Own Bail Money.
I don't go on dates. I watch tv and play with dicks. dinner is a situation.
Not going outside. I may melt into a puddle of wine
After the Patriots lost I punched him in the face. But I still feel like that isn't a good reason to dump me.
(540): I ran 10 miles and then took a dump behind a rock. What the fuck have you done with a hangover that's comparable?
You did it first. I was merely expressing my support for you, by pressing my testicles against a window.
If I had really thought it through, I would have bought some Depends, popped one on and made this night my bitch.
You are the tramp this city needs, but not the one it deserves.
He told me the hickey on the side if his neck was actually a "bruise" from hitting a bird on his motorcycle. I'm not sure what's more impressive, the fact people believed him due to the size of the mark or the fact you gave it to him.
i just found my fake in the snow. LIFE IS AWESOME
You know what i hate? I hate when the ppl you drunkenly made out with actually want to talk to you sober. It just doesn't work that way sir.
Ah you cut my boxers off with scissors, we're way past introductions
Randomize
