wtf. i just found you're porn stash.
u like it?
NOT THE POINT.
I'm still with the girl from last night. remember to call me conrad and that i work for PETA
You know its going to be a good homecoming when you beer bong a mimosa at 6am.
you went through ur friends list and posted an obscene comment on every ultrasound pic...."not his" "looks like a sea monkey"
The guy i fucked last week got done first on the test in my 900 person class. If im pregnant at least it will be smart.
I can't try on my wedding dress because someone is trying to commit suicide in the store. Is this a sign?
I need to talk about my life with someone. Preferably with someone who hasn't tried to jizz on me
come parachute off the vicodin airplane with meee
well shes beginning to earn a reputation as "the girl who tries to bone her hook ups in the ass with a pickle"
my heart is telling me chinese, but my head is telling me beer.
Should I have a moral quandary about Skyping topless with him while his son slept in the other room?
Well the streets were closed, so it was okay for me to just lay down for a little bit.
i gave up on the vacation being fun the night i ate all the marshamallows out of the lucky charms while everyone else was having sex in the condo
Did we smoke in a portapotty last night? And if so, do you think the brown stuff covering my body is actually dirt?
I really don't know how I went from having a few drinks to waging war against ghosts in my apartment but here we are
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