oh so you have enough money for the third eye blind concert but not enough for the morning after pill?
I imagine anything that isn't a dilldo attached to a jackhammer, powered by a generator won't be amazing enough for you
i've officially fucked a sailor, a policeman and a biker. I've never noticed my Village People fetish until now...
theres 5 guys on the side of the road with beads and their shirts off screaming at cars already.
Her stripper name is Geico. I'm not drunk or creative enough to make this up.
A girl at the bar is wearing green body paint instead of a shirt. Where are you?!
At this point can I suggest a mail away bride. You judge Nick but you are a strange dude and that may be your ticket.
Please. I don't care how shitty his fake life story was. As horny as I was I just wanted the prettiest man possible in case I accidentally got pregnant. He had blue eyes.
I find it ironic...the gays are dying to get married & I just want a fucking divorce
Do you think kicking my coke habit is a good personal goal to put down on the evaluation form?
You spent the entire night trying to get me to make out with you
yeah I remember. your boyfriend shouldnt have cheered me on though.
I did a line of coke with my ex tonight. Talk about memories
Is it possible for mice to climb? If so I think mice are climbing into my bed in the night and playing with my hair..
He stopped me mid-blow job to say that his new year's resolution was to stop hooking up. MID FUCKING BLOW JOB.
Hahaha wearing a fake moustache in public was the best idea i ever had
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