Becky drew a cock on my face and is making me sit on the step.
what did you do that she drew a cock on your face and supplemental questions why did you let her?
i just threw up ON my final. epic way to end the semester.
I hate that the only Italian aspect of me is I get red and sweaty when I drink
I woke up with his wallet, but not him. Gold-digging at it's finest.
Just explain how I got from the bar to a house I've never been in, waking up to a cop in uniform ripping a bong
That's like being smoked out by a unicorn. If the opportunity presents itself you fucking do it and don't ask questions.
A "Tom-vomit" is when you puke but cough as it comes up, so you close you mouth as a natural reaction and the vomit is jet-propelled out your noise.
Im hitting on this chick at a stoplight when all the sudden. i notice this chick blowing some dude in the backseat.
It was like in the Christmas carol when the guy pulls his robe back and 2 small children appear... except this time it was a massive scrotum
40s are totally the cure
Can't decide if this guy is hot or if I'm just bored.
Sex is clearly the solution either way.
She asked me to dress as captain planet for halloween and told me she was gonna suck the pollution out of my dick.
I might be drinking a 4-day old opened beer on a Wednesday. You're in no position to judge me.
It would have only made it one day at my place.
Let's just say if my bucket list had "fngered in the middle of a club by a complete stranger while being sprayed by UV paint" then that is well and truly ticked off.
I just woke up in a prom dress on your bathroom floor, yea I'm 32.
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