Well for starters i'm drinking vodka out of a bell pepper.
it was like she was tryin to eat my face and i was defending myself with my mouth
i dont even mind you always shaving my pubes when i pass out, i'm starting to find it liberating.
Ha, I bet. You tipped the waitress like 10 bucks for a glass of water.
doing shots of $6 a bottle whiskey and chasing it with milk. my own personal way of saying fuck life.
He's just giving off this "someone be a bitch to me" vibe
I can't even tell you how many rave sticks I tore apart with my teeth last night.
I don't think I even want to know why you are sending my husband pictures of your nutsack.
It's 4/20. I'm not too worried about "healthy"
It's getting to the point where my ability to get dick pix during the work day is impressing even me. Take that, adulthood!
and then you two started interpretive dancing to Mozart
This strip club is mediocre. Talent is fine. Fung shui is bad.
don't bring your nerd jargon into this conversation about my naked body
this isn't the first time i woke up with peanut butter in my butt
That's really the only reason I'm dating you, the prospect that I might get bacon
Randomize
