The make-up sex just reminded me why we broke up in the first place.
I yelled "Coming in hot." before penetrating. Im pretty sure she loved it.
i am breaking up with you. because you wash your hair too much and you only drink light beer and because you're not party enough.
First date. He's wearing a tuxedo shirt and keeps asking me about our future children. Escape plan #3 is now in action...
Please come pick me up? I sleep walked to planned parenthood again.
There is a woman in the bar breastfeeding a baby. Doing shots. Gotta love maryland Applebees.
im youtubing treadmill accidents. this is what i do at 2:10am
Ok see being that I'm not present or participating your vague texts "neeeeed that" and "vagina" leave a lot to question.
We had a pillow fight. It looks like an angel exploded here. A DRUNK ALCOHOLIC ANGEL
Get your ass over here, we're drinking Patron and watching My Little Pony. Patron and Ponies, do you copy?!
Note to self, stop going out with self absorbed bisexuals
Ill tap morse code on the ceiling when im ready for you to come down amd smoke
Went to a wedding reception last night, came home with a Christmas tree and the rest of the keg
You don't have to have sex with both if us but I would like a little positive fucking regard.
No matter how long you've been away, there's nothing quite like pooping at your parents' house
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