3:26am: come over
you purposely dodge me and you could have stopped me from leaving, you know how far i live. YOU come over
4:11am: mnlodp
dude I don't understand hebrew and I'm not coming over
and then I told him he looked like the Gordon's Fisherman dude. I don't think he thought it was funny, because he 'forgot' to pay for my beer.
End of the semester and I banged 14 freshman. I'm like my own welcome to college orientation guide.
i think i am going to devote my summer to making my cats internet celebrities
Hookup with hot guy from gym, check. Wake up to find he's peed in my closet, double check.
the size of his penis is telling me NOOO! but his bank account is telling me YESSS!
Home, forcing the cats to make out. Someone should get some.
I've had more sex in the two weeks since we broke up than I ever had in any two weeks we were together.
If he thought that flying across an ocean to visit me in London constituted sex, he thought wrong.
I feel like just to watch it, I need to be high. To understand it, I'd need enough drugs to kill an elephant.
Just showered now I smell like berries instead of shame
A guy at one of our big accounts just said you probably dont remember meeting me saturday night ps you were right about those two girls being lesbian
If I have to masturbate more than twice a week you fail as a fuck buddy. Just so you know...................you failed
Just assume that every drink in that house has alcohol in it.
She told me I’m a “stunt cock.” I’m okay with that
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