Can we switch to phone sex? This is starting to get awkward...
i wish swine flu would become a total pandemic so we cld be rid of all the people that are complaining about it
Youll never guess who has to go to fucking planned parenthood because trojan cant make a fucking condom
I just saw a guy in front of the courthouse giving himself a sobriety test and fail it...this can't end well
I dont think yelling "Grab your dicks, time for pics!" helped your case either.
She trust falled out of a window. It was like that scene from A Little Princess but with a lot more blood.
we convincced her parents we were only wasted meanwhile theire faces were morphing into one and i swear there was a reindeer in the background
KETAMINE SUNDAYS ARE SERIOUSLY FUCKING ME UP!
My sister was not impressed when she got here. I was standing in the doorway in my underwear drinking a beer. At 2pm. On a Monday.
Slept with my first Irish dude before I even got off the plane. Dublin has no idea what I have in store for it.
Dudes don't just lick butts of chicks they're not into.
What the hell happened to my hand?
Well, you got in a fight with a cabbie while jaywalking, but we got you to walk away. The problem was 80 blocks away, when you punched a parked taxi for "running you over".
I just watched my ex butt chug a quart of eggnog. Why did I dump her again?
Threesomes are not as fun as you'd think. I left with a black eye and I'm not sure who's to blame.
So...a chick sucked my crank...now her dog is licking my feet. I feel like a pharoh on vacation.
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