I wonder what it would be like to be a slice of cheese.
I lined up everyone's pillows and I'm playing Evel Knievel when I jerk off later.
coke and sex party at dan's
im watching greys anatomy with megan...
wha-pishhh
yah I made NO friends last night. at one point i think i replaced talking with spitting
Would you still love me if I had no teeth
Yeah why?
Cuz i woke up this morning and a few are gone
I wish i could call my weed and hear it ring. That's how i found my phone.
He sent me a pic and IT CURVED OUT OF THE PICTURE! Curved. Out. Of. The. Picture.
They thought we spoke German and French even though we just kept repeating "I give to you a cat" and "Are you drunk?"
You are the worst substitute drug dealer ever
Next time he asks to wax your nipple while you're passed out I promise I'll be sober enough to intervene.
My chiropractor just high fived me for getting drunk enough to throw my back out this weekend.. Life. Complete.
It's really funny to see the look on the sales lady's face when she asks why you're replacing a painting. "I knocked it off the wall during sex w/ my heels," wasn't what she expected.
I stared at him for a solid five minutes because he looked like what I imagine god would look like if god was a lumberjack
I felt I lost my designated buddy on a field trip when you wandered off to get high with strangers.
I fucked the midget version of a backstreet boy and I am not mad about it
Randomize
