I'm playing wingman, but I want to pull a Goose and die.
last night they convinced you that a sharpie was a new style of chap stick... so when you wake up, you might want to do something about that
There is no way I'm taking advice from somone who's idea of a balanced diet consists of vodka and lemon detox juice
WHERE ARE MY FUCKING EYEBROWS?!
I can feel myself smiling like 10 minutes after I stop smiling, and that's just like... so awesome.
why does he always try to puke into shot glasses
I just yelled at my mom for getting me circumcised without my permission. That drunk
Props to the guy on crutches playing edward forty hands. Dedicated to drinking games is an understatement.
can i text him and be like "oh yeah, forgot i kinda made out with a girl this weekend. For future reference, does this count as cheating?" ?
I don't send those kind of pictures unless the recipient has already been up close and personal with it. I don't give previews, but I will provide recaps.
Hit on in the middle of a Wal-Mart McDonald's by a really awkward nerd. There is not enough nope in the world.
A huge penis doesn't warm the soul. Or that's what I've had to tell myself.
I have an important idea to tell you when I'm sober about a cat scratching my nose once and what it taught me. DONT LET ME FORGET.
You know you've been having sex for 9 months when you do Rock Paper Scissors for who has to go on top
You're up at 3AM, right? I have a very important question.
You know the Wendy's on route 6, by Kohls? Do you know if it has a drive through?
Yes it does.
Randomize
