Balcony sex scratched the shit out of my phone. Whups.
Is it a bad thing I remember to take my birth control when I stumble across guys I've had sex with on facebook?
He showed me one of his balls and said "this one's free. you'll have to work to see the other.."
I feel choking has become trendy-- ita losing its effect. I may just have to go back to missionary to spice it up
We boned on a bench in a park, french people were walking by cheering us on. Totally acceptable
Well watching will be involved...it'll just most likely be of me licking your penis instead of me trying to understand how Hans Solo goes up against the Galactic Empire...
Lusting after Beyonce when you're a lesbian is like having a crush on Jesus. You just don't do it.
I just used crown royal bags as pot holders...
I'm eating taquitos in the bathtub at 5:30 am. What a great end to the night
And I threw up 26 times yesterday. I actually think I threw up a spider too.
I can't hang out tomorrow. A boy wants to feed me ice cream and touch my boobs. Priorities.
I can't believe I got dumped for a fat chick, but at least I got four and a half years worth of free shit. So we can call it even.
Made out with some dude at the bar last night. Was fun until he thought bohemian rhapsody was by The Who
My New Years resolution is actually to be MORE petty
I have a completly random but serious question. Can I make a paper mache mold of you ass and turn it into a pinata filled with airplane bottles of liquor? Its for my art class
Randomize
