so let's talk penis.
sorry about having a shotput competition with your microwave, seemed like a good idea at the time
To celebrate your birthday last night, I got drunk and sang drift away in buffalo wild wings. Happy birthday. The entire bar sang the chorus with me. It was magical.
I had to photo shop your nipple piercings. that was extremely awkward.
Its important to me that you know there is a tambourine down my pants.
He asked me out while I'm back in town. I have to acknowledge and honor his persistence.
Your vagina must be laced with cocaine...
There's a bachlorette party going on at the bowling alley, so we'll see who wins greatest shitshow tonight.
Yeah, he's passed out in my bathroom pantsless. Is it a faux pas to look at his penis?
How frowned upon is it to take your vibrator into the tanning bed...because Operation: dripping wet is in full swing and I have a busy schedule
found $100 my ex got arrested and I can receive free health insurance I gotta tell ya 2014 is really going to be my year
Yeah, this is not that. This is a father and son bonding moment involving my all of my orifices.
I tried to have a quickie with him at the company happy hour. I think I need to quit my job.
Just passed the animal clinic parking lot I had to pull over to puke in during welcome week. I can almost hear the dogs barking at my shame again.
I just found a reminder in my phone to ask you about your sex life in 7 years. So how is that going?
He was out clubbing with his SON. WHY did you let me KISS HIM? Also WHERE WAS HIS SON?!
Randomize
