I think my hot accountant is wearing banana republic. I miss the days when that ='ed gay. Signals are so confusing now.
So apparently vaginal secretions are not covered under water damage insurance for my cell phone
No i dont need Magnum Condoms, that would be like putting MC Hammer pants on my dick
FYI : beer farts in the morning chase women right out of bed!
I think its only fitting my first purchase with my student loan is a glass pipe? I think ill name it 'Subsidized'
way to not show up for Habitat for Humanity, real classy...
I saved lives by not driving this morning
no one is here. wer drinking in the beer garden in the dark and we stole a bucket of blue paint off the sidewalk. now her legs are blue.
YOU RECOMMENDED ME TO THIS GIRL BECAUSE SHES A STRIPPER AND YOU KNOW MY WEAKNESS FOR STRIPPERS WITH CHILDREN.
she never specifically said NOT to fuck her boyfriend so technically we can still be best friends
see these eyes, they just want to bone and go to sleep.
You called a girl at 4:30am to tell her "your pussy is my top priority" while simultaneously Urban Spooning late night cafes.
Can I join you for some emotional "Post: The Ohio State University's first lose in football after a 24 game winning streak" sex?
Omg you can't vacuum salsa that's just ridiculous
I want you inside me. Finish your papers.
After drinking all day I popped an adderal, slammed three beers in a row, apparently told the bartender "thanks bitch" then ran on stage.
Randomize
