Please don't tell anyone I peed on your wall.
Just got my econometrics book in the mail and started flipping through it. Our Thursday parties may turn into u convincing me not to kill myself.
My dad is drinking wine out of a measuring cup. This explains so much.
just had to explain to the health center why i wanted 50 condoms a month.
I can feel the alcohol in my calves
Whatever. I indirectly made you cum overseas. Call it even.
We're doing kegstands for my 80th Bday, so don't lose that muscle tone.
I'm just crazy horny about you
Is it acceptable to have my intern get me pedialite and plan b?
It's a learning experience. She can add to her resume that she cured her bosses hangover and poor decisions
I stirred my drink with a butcher knife. His roomate keeps giving me dirty looks
Like what do you want from me
Duuuude someone spilled hot sauce all over the floor and trailing outside wtf
OH GOD IT'S BLOOD. THIS IS ALOT OF BLOOD.
Did you just tell me you watch cartoon porn because it's more real?
Stop calling my penis "Fat Jesus"
I may have taken the entire adderall. I FEEL LIKE THE FUCKIN HULK. I can't stop cleaning and organizing and doing the clean things
just woke up and had to check if i still had pants on, i really need to stop drinking
Randomize
