Three 40's of Mickeys, is no excuse to be naked at Baskin Robins.
I swear that men would be more efficient if they had a semen gauge on their penises
Dear yesterdays makeup, Thank you for always being there when I stay up late binge drinking on weeknights and am running late to work Friday morning. You're the best.
I was pretty stoned. I thought I needed a seatbelt at the restaurant.
He wrote my name on his dick, took a picture and then said "this has your name written all over it!"
I think the waitress doesn't beleive I have friends coming. I've had 4 drinks and a large salad just waiting for you guys.
i just licked my manager on accident and i'm freaking out
He was eating her out on the elevator. What a good man.
Idk. I woke up marinating in beer on my beanbag. Idk what you mightve done.
I keep looking at his nude pics and crying because ill never see it in person again.
Also my vagina isn't a crater of death where nothing comes out
That falls under the "unwelcome penises" category. Also that's definitely a sentence I never thought I would say
It's Jesse McGoddamn Cartney, the whole world sings that shit
Bruh, I wanna absorb into the deck.
I wanna become a plank.
God I love xanex.
Put my boyfriend in a chastity cage while he was passed out last night. Now I control his orgasms.
Randomize
