if i'm ever as drunk as the girl in front of me... kill me.
so my bro's bff came over...we had an awkward "yeah we fucked and can fuck later, but let's just pretend it didn't happen in front of the family" hug.
the day after is always just damage control
We watched a biography of Frida Kahlo in class today. It was depressing. A chick with a UNIBROW just put my sex life to shame.
You broke a window with your face. I don't think the landlord will be as impressed as we were.
I can only imagine the horrible things my future wife is doing on spring break right now.
You were eating microwaved pad thai out of a solo cup with a pair of scissors....
so apparently the car got towed with me passed out in the back seat.
Dude she has the ugliest blow job face ever.
No more vodka shots for you. Last night you begged a man on your knees to sell you his beard. He had no beard.
Fuck you for setting me up with the guy from the Nickelback cover band
Payback for not stopping me from fucking the guy in the wookie costume
I'm high. Everything has a 45° angle. That is as far as my eyes open
My life is a video game called get the drunk princess back to her castle, thank you to all that participated
It's probably not healthy how legit bummed I am that my bottled of wine is gone.
sorry i got drunk at sunday brunch and force fed carrot sticks to your cat
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