Good seeing you too. Don't worry, you didn't miss out on too much last night. We went to a place where there was supposed to be a wet t-shirt contest, but it was more like two ugly girls dancing around on stage in white shirts. Everyone just wanted them to leave so the band could keep playing
The walk of shame isn't so shameful when you do it in a stolen, autographed Favre jersey.
our night together was a product of my beer goggles and jennifer aniston-like desperation.
I remember telling you it was cold out because the sun was going to explode and people were going to fight for corn. I feel I've mislead you.
I just got a huge discount at GameStop for having tits. I win.
She crossed her eyes and threw up into a glass while sitting at the bar. It was fifty shades of sketchy dude.
I've been randomly kik messaging bearded men I find on Instagram while sitting unshowered in my underpants. I'm like the girl version of a creepy uncle.
Just made a memo in my blackberry that contains seth's funeral arrangements. I have a feeling he has big plans for the weekend.
Of course I have to cross through a walk for hunger
Where the fuck do you get consience sedatives from?
The beer bottle was sticking out of your zipper and you shook it onto unsuspecting patrons
This is an alert from the drunk police: you have reached the point of no return. Text messages past this point are illegible.
Apparently I told him the people made me order taco bell I didn't even want it. And then proceeded to turn off all the lights and sit at the kitchen table in the dark and told him not to look at me.
she was sitting on the toilet asking for me to take a "cute facebook profile picture" for her
Drunk me is having trouble keeping up with sober me's standards
Randomize
