woke up this morning wit a massive hangover. walked to my truck and found at least 35 for sale signs, a stop sign, and a julie kim sign...need answers
yea, you decided to become a real estate agent last night on the way home from the party. You started bitchin about how Julie Kim was stealing all your buisness....
I love my bros weed
Im gonna hate it in like 20 mins though
if you take his cock out, you have to give him a bj. it's like giving a moose a muffin.
How am I supposed to spread my seed with you "modern women" and your birth control?
i have a food baby... i think its a boy...
Just made a pepperoni sandwich with cheese, mayo, and pickles. Poverty is like pot, without the happy feeling.
Lucky for you, I found your phone.....Not so lucky for you, it was in the bottom of your vomit-filled trashcan.
I just looked at all of our spring break pictures... there's a guy getting a blow job in the background of the ones on the beach.
well he has a gf so if he picks me up tonight i'll only him finger me
Totally just met the chick getting nailed in our lobby last night. Should I bring it up?
My vibrator challenges you to a duel.
two questions - what stuff of mine was pawned and who has the pawn tickets.
Fuckin' raining men in my bedroom while I'm trying to drunk eat a rather large portion of pasta. Like shoo I already picked who I'm sleeping with. Pasta wins.
I have seen you puke and 5 mins later rock my world. So there is hotness there that average people will never see..
highlight of my day: hitchhiking a ride with random locals. tried to make conversation, asked what they do. driver says "you clearly don't recognize me." turns out i have had sex with him and forgot.
You are officially qualified to graduate from college.
Randomize
