apparently it's okay for him to stick his dick in my mouth but not to let me have a can of diet pepsi for the road.
its easy. just sleep with a bunch of guys until one falls in love
So somehow I got from NYC to a suburban town in the middle of Jersey. At 4am. Thank god there are trains that can rectify my mistakes...
She was perfectly content just sitting in the middle of everyone blowing bubbles in the air.
An accidental pregnancy to a guy with a trustfund is no mistake. It is a gift from god.
He just kept petting my ear and informing me that I wasn't one of the guys
Believe it or not, that's part of the whole 'best friend' thing. It's not just yelling at me for making you leave the club early or taking the couch bc I'm doing sex while you're doing bjs.
I found a bag of weed while packing. Now packing is like creating tiny universes inside of boxes.
I see your smile in the face of every drunk that senses he's about to slay a troll.
dont iron anything. we fucked on the ironing board. details to follow.
I may or may not already be in your hot tub when you get home. I have a key to your house and no shame.
Welp, just took a tab of acid and cracked one of three bottles of champagne... Mondays ¯\\_(ツ)_/¯
Ladies don't puke and tell
it was an ACCIDENT
it was a DICK
Looking back at our past texts, the minute it turned 2020 you were cleaning your house and I was dying of the cold. We were prophesying the Rona.
Randomize
