i told her that she could bring as many friends as she wanted and then she asked how many people i could fit in my bed...BEST. DAY. EVERRRR.
finally nailed that neighbor chick. hopefully i can get her wireless password now. free internet trumps moral standards any day
I want to poop on a bird, just to show them what it's like.
I'm doing a half mile walk of shame carrying a trash bag and still very drunk. Save me. I feel like a refugee.
I cannot remember December 31 for the past 3 years. it might as well not even exist on my calendar anymore
..and then spiked the maple syrup at iHop
I got groped on the dancefloor by both grooms. I love gay weddings
Word is he has some crazy hawaiian STD
well that explains the french fry and ketchup packet rolled into the wasitband of my sweats. thank you drunk me.
It's great having no responsibilities. In normal life I would be freaking the fuck out right about now. But the only worry I have from last night is where i got this shower caddy full of cookies. God I love college.
Our date was amazing and I would like to reward you with a blow job under your desk.
I can pencil you in at 3:30
Sometimes crazy just comes naturally. I don't need booze to say that on occasion I feel the need to rip off my asshole and throw it against the fridge to see if it sticks.
There is what appears to be urine on the woman's bathroom sink. I just have so many questions right now.
Is a coke binge Whole30 approved?
You kept running around yelling "I need my pajamas" & then you got naked. Shit just went downhill from there.
Randomize
