how much do you want to bet that her wedding invites will be vera bradley themed? loser has to frame theirs.
just caught my little brother jacking off the family pet
I remember sitting there at the toilet, bleeding everywhere and thinking, "I walked from my bedroom to here. What happened?"
My adult sexuality and some of the best memories of my childhood collided like a Pee Wee Herman wet dream.
Elaborate
Strip Mario-Kart
Remember that time you came over to my house and I was on the porch naked and eating peanut butter?
thought a girl was checking me out today. took me like 5 minutes to realize it was a mannequin
Lusting after Beyonce when you're a lesbian is like having a crush on Jesus. You just don't do it.
I was all, oh. I've had tattoos and broken a limb. Waxing my lady parts will be a cake walk. I was wrong.
MY HAND WILL BE UP HIS ASS IF HE DOES NOT APOLOGIZE FOR WHAT HE DID. IT WON'T BE THE GOOD-FEELING KIND OF "HAND-UP-ASS" EITHER.
He went in for a kiss so I shook his hand instead.
the fact that you beer bonged rum made me so proud, the fact that you threw up an entire footlong tuna melt after... not so much babe
But we made up last night and had unbelievably crazy sex tonight. I legit went blind for like 15mins from him choking me. It was awesome
Hurry I'm alone dressed like a prostitute eating French fries.
So I think my neighbor's name is Olli if I'm hearing the girl the girl he's fucking clearly
Yes. I had to slow down my handjob so he would last...-and I give shitty handjobs to begin with
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