I wannas sexs uuuuu
Apparently married women at the office don't like getting congratulated on getting "knocked up"
Literally just as i started to cum the church bells next ot my house began to ring. either it was the most epic timing ever or god was watching and congratulating me
she made me put on a condom before giving me a handjob...this is why i hate freshmen
i lost my airplane ticket and tried to board with a bar receipt in all the confusion. i have officially lost all brain cells in college.
she had that "i just got used" look on her face when i kicked her out at 5am
No kidding. I just keep looking at that 'under 21 until 11/21/2011' on my id and whispering "soon enough"
I mean it's not my fault he had a floor mat that read "put out or get out". What was I supposed to do?
I thought my period ended but I felt it again as soon as Pitbull started playing
Thanks for the morning blowjob. Scientifically proven you can't have a bad day if it starts with a blowjob.
How did you not realize the handbrakes were stuck?
I thought I was just out of shape.
Got stuck at my fwb place for three days because I decided sex was more important than my safety in the weather. Worth it.
Sorry, I was watching the Olympic story about the Canadian guy and drinking out of the prescription bottle and crying because it was so beautiful.
Just let a guy I just met eat me out in a shed at a baby shower. May have sunk to a brand new low
So there we are, fucking beneath the Christmas tree and I glance up and see one of the local Jehovah's witnesses staring in horror through the decorative glass in the front door. I'm so proud of us.
Randomize
