he chased her out of the bar yelling "TAKE MY VIRGINITY" and i havent seen her since
i got really high and listened to the spongebob squarepants theme song and, i swear to god, it was in german.
just did awkward shuffle by the bagels in the dining hall at 7:30 AM with a kid i've hooked up with. goodbye freshman year.
I use him for alcohol and he uses me for sex. This is the closest thing to love i could imagine
Fine then. I'll just do all this coke on my own this weekend and die. It'll be strictly your fault.
Don't worry, the house smells like waffles more than sex
She has "Massive Shits" listed as a turn off. That's very specific and there's a story behind it I bet.
Sweet, got a date tomorrow night
In my defense, who let the drunk girl run around with a sack of broken glass unsupervise?
That tampon felt like a stick in my vagina, I am never making a drunken tampon choice again. Friends don't let friends choose tampons drunk.
you flipped over the sheets and there was my bed. filled with ding dongs.
You wouldn't happen to know why there's an inflatable monkey riding a mattress on my roof would you?
We were so amazed while watching mission impossible ghost protocol last night we didn't even have sex
We just had a contest for who has less of a gag reflex...I am sad to admit that my mother won.
I admit I fucked your best friend, but to be fair, you fucked the tristate area. So there's a good chance about 40% of those people are MY friends.
He fucks strippers and doesn’t have a life plan. Of course I’m going to regret this
Randomize
