a smallpox vaccine scar is like a lower back tattoo.
I just watched the Dark knight, Maggie Gylennhaal looks like Katie Holmes after a stroke
Dude...I'm drunk from Wednesday stilll.
i checked my sent messages this morning and i had apparently tried to text the bar, saying "idk what i drank, do you?"
There is a bruise on my cock the size of a golfball. Bad sign.
i have a strong feeling i fucked one of the waiters here...
He was sweet. He even warned me that his dick curved, and I quote, "more than a banana."
One of the bamboo sticks broke and impaled him. I think he's drunk enough that it shouldn't hurt until tomorrow.
He said you stopped mid-fuck, called fives on his dick, walked out to grab another drink, and came back.
I'm driving while wearing hulk hands
Yes. We drank 3/4 of a handle of vodka, fried and ate a 3lb package of bacon, I tackled the neighbors snowman, made snow angels in our underwear, and then fucked all night. Christmas success.
I bet my lungs hate me more than my liver
That's a hard toss up
I'm covered in glow paint and I can't find my shirt. So, successful night
I'm about to have a bowl of Advils... without any fucking milk.
i want to say his dick was in it but not his heart
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