Stop staring at my boobs, I can't concentrate
Well how do you think I feel
fair enough
I decided that $2 and a kiss on the cheek was a great tip for the pizza girl. No one is REALLY sure how much I've have to drink.
ok, just found out the kid i had random sex with in April was on wheel of fortune so i can really no longer say i regret that night
A friday night jus isn't the same if the cops don't raid my dorm
Apparently I have a urinal in my bedroom
Although, to be fair, I am both willing and going to lick marshmallow fluff off of your dick.
Eating my shrimp pasta on the porch with a 40, wearing a Hawaiian shirt, proclaiming "I GOT SCRIMPS." I just jumped the shark of college.
oh I'm washing fake blood out of my bra.
I NEED to hang out with you more
Same I threw up in 3 different cities already today
You're just a heartbreaker with a knitting problem
My apartment is so clean right now, I should invite someone over for sex just so someone can see how clean it is.
I need to reevaluate my stance on weekday hangovers...
No, you are in the clear. The police officer finally just said "I give up" and walked away.
"He's not as cute as he was last week" and "I'm not as drunk as I was last week" are basically the same sentence.
well tomorrow I get to eat fungus and go to an abandoned city.
most people would fear that statement, but i wish to join you
Randomize
