Obv we're gonna bbm each other in bed
i dont nkow, theres a guy slesping next to me and im wearing 8 tsthirts? wtf happened last night? will you come get me.
i think im in thre room next to you
omg. I had the wrong window open and I accidentaly posted my credit card # on twitter
Whats your twitter name
There is a reason Crest White Strips don't list masturbation as one of the myriad of activities to do while whitening your teeth. A very good reason.
oh no you fucking didn't eat my mac and cheese you cunt
...She was shooting whiskey using a turkey baster...i was horrified.
your cat followed me a mile away from your house. if it doesn't come back, i'm sorry, but I needed to get laid tonight.
Beer, water, beer, water, beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer so much beer
Dude hobos go hard. I learned a lot last night.
He sent me a text from across the party that said "your sexy." I just couldn't.
Our house rule in beer pong, is that if you get the ball in the bitch cup.... you have to snapchat your balls to everyone on your friends list.
Currently googling hangover cures, which looks a lot like working from the perspective of my boss.
If you could get me there thatd be perfect. I doubt there's extradition on the moon.
How do you get the "hangs out with drunk assholes" insurance
I didn't have any lime for my chaser.. so after my shot I ate a handful of lime flavored chips. Didn't work so great.
Randomize
