Right on... I dropped my chapstick
I blacked out
Journey is playing on the radio....I think it is a sign I am going to pass my drug test
Can one do a walk of shame from one's own hotel? Considering I just barfed in a planter down town in from of a bunch of business men in suits on my way to a work breakfast on a Wednesday morning, I am gonna just go with yes.
A moment of silence for all our pussy whips bro's who had to endure the NEW MOON premier!
Tonight we are playing Scuba-Keg. Getting keg now. I'll explain when i get home.
I don't know, I don't really wanna ask the question, "Mom why am I not circumcised?"
he let me wear his jacket and there was a magnum and a bowl in his pocket ... I think im in love
It went alright, nothing too special, just got threatened with a knife by our server.
Listen up tinkerbell, You're gonna come to the bar, hit on some fat chicks, and step up when I punch someone in the face.
Found half of a five day old piece of pizza behind my dresser. Apparently it was drunkenly set there and got knocked down. It was such a happy reminder of last weekend.
I found a cheeseburger next to my tub once. It's there to shame you, but it always just makes me feel more awesome.
I'm pretty sure at any given moment you could wring out my liver and get a couple of shots of jäger.
I came in and I guess my parents didn't hear me. My dad just said "Don't be lazy, RIDE IT." to my mom. Never coming home again.
That and I was watching this life alert commercial and I'm pretty sure my liver turned up the volume for more information
What happened last night? I'm too scared to get out of bed and see the destruction.
First of all, check to see if that naked guy is still alive. He didn't look to be breathing when I left
Wait, you met him on Onlyfans? The guy from last night? Which one of you is the fan?
Because one of you banged your stalker
Randomize