i have your red jacket for some reason. and a good deal of shame and embarasment. note to self, wear underwear when you wear a dress. also, i was electrocuted last night. dont ask how.
You don't give head? I'm offended and I don't even have a cock...
I feel like dying is the new "adopt an african baby"
her teeth should be alot whiter from all of those blowjobs she gives
The weird kid in front of me is reading an article titled "why don't i have a girlfriend?" the article then continues to talk about the mathematical equation for obtaining a girlfriend. exhibit a of why he is single
i was about to rearrange the room but realized that this is the only efficient setup where we can have sex while the other one's asleep without them accidentally seeing.
He poured the shots. We did them together. I cheersd him out of the shower
your mom just called me and asked me why i'm not in jail with you right now.
Dude when we asked him where he lived all he could tell us was "by the slurpees." That fucked up.
We found him. He was passed out in a McDonalds booth with at least 6 big Mac wrappers. The employee said he kept yelling that he was in America and had the freedom to have big macs. Fucking Italians...
When he couldn't get it up, he handed me a beer, put his clothes back on, and said "try again tomorrow."
so like what it comes down to is do I wanna look like a boss ass bitch or do I wanna masturbate.
I feel like my foot is being amputated. Or maybe it's the vodka. I couldn't tell you.
if i hadn't ended our catfight by hugging you one of us might be dead right now
It really hurts to walk. Any idea what happened to my hip?
Randomize
