hitting rock bottom=girl fakes converting to christianity in order to get out of having sex with you.
Apparently shes in the bathroom puking but eating a pot roast she found in the fridge at the same time.
I want a meaningful relationship and i wont get one if i keep giving him blow jobs in my basement while watching family guy.
would really like to know how the teddy bear got super glued to my testicles.
So the bros are yelling at another bro to get that dildo off the roof. And there is indeed a dildo looking object on the roof.
well that explains the french fry and ketchup packet rolled into the wasitband of my sweats. thank you drunk me.
Happiness is the polar opposite of catching your dad watching holiday themed porn
He was so good, that I'm pretty sure he fucked his religion into me. P.S. I'm Jewish now.
The best part of last night was the women's softball game on the TV at the strip club
Nah, this is the University of Tennessee. She'll get the clap, and get busted for having pot in her dorm by spring break. This time next year she'll be part-timing at a community college as a nursing major. So predictable it hurts.
Did you really get 12 corn dogs from the gas station last night?
I just googled: how soon can I pee on a stick. What is my life coming to.
What are you bringing to class tomorrow?
sorrow
Somebody put William Shatner singing Bohemian Rhapsody on the jukebox, and the whole bar is about to riot.
Apparently my hair turned out really good because I got my butthole licked by a stranger last night
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