so i just realized i am an alcoholic. I was making some tomato soup because im still sick, and put vodka in it. sad huh? lets go out!
FYI don't ever, ever get a lap dance from a stripper who says " she's having a bad day " at a bachelor party.
so,apparently a side effect from having sex on the beach is now i have a tanline shaped like your sister
i hate you
And on top of all this... he just told me to "chill my nips."
Dont act like I'm the only one that gets on a plane and picks out the one im gonna have fuck if we have time before the crash
I just want to curl up with him and brush his hair and sing love songs together, I think you should come over and end this
I'm starting to think you fell asleep on your kitchen floor pantless with salsa spilt around you
I feel like a color. Like a wavy color
I was looking at our sex bingo and pretty much every single row or column has at least one kind of person that is harder to find than all the rest
We've made things harder for ourselves
The struggle will be part of the fun
You think he will forgive me for the paper being a week late if I bring him a beer?
...it's a 9am class...
He asked me if I wanted to blow his whistle and proceeded to pull out an actual whistle.
I don't know. Sometimes you can be a wild card with your emotions. Mostly the emotion known as anger.
The worst thing about buying this extremely comfortable bed is that once I get a girl into it, all she wants to do is sleep. I want my fucking money back.
You coming to give me head and eat tacos?
Totally just got spotted hitting the bowl by someone else hitting a bowl. We gave each other a head nod
Randomize
