We were all singing so you said you were going to play a percussion instrument... the crackers.
I officially lit my glove on fire while lighting the bong. Winter needs to end.
I think that the winner of this years fantasy football league should get naming rights to you child
He has pizza coupons and a hammer next to his toilet.
Just because you graduated a semester early, doesn't mean you can take a semester off of drinking. Sorry.
its amazing there are so many photos of me and him separately, since most of that party time was spent sneaking away to fuck upstairs...
it took us a while to figure out sex on a tire swing, buuuuuuuut MISSION ACCOMPLISHED
Just turned your apartment into a democracy and were voting on who takes shots next
alicia just called me and talked to me in "the eternal language of the dinosaurs" and then kind of roared and gurgled. what kind of 4th of july are you guys having?
the boozy kind. is there any other?
You're the only person I know who can be puking into a trash can at 8 in the morning in Manhattan and get a date out of it....
He ordered a meatball sub with a side of meatballs.
I need dunkaroos back in my life.
is telling someone you can be his trophy wife the same as proposing?
Also what’s the official rule on washing one guy’s jizz off my back before I go out with another guy? That I should?
Don't worry about me. I am infinite.
Randomize
