I don't believe in a God but I'm almost positive I just shit out the devil.
just walked into the room and her sister said loudly, "do him, or I will."
ugh. my soul tastes like vodka
well since you're still married, you will be paying for my abortion right?
My mail consisted of a box of dildos and christmas card from grandma.
Just saw a drunk guy clapping and cheering for a chipmunk climbing up a tree. Classic
All I've had today is a brownie and a shot of Jack, so you know. I'm doing ok.
With a stable of 7 fuck buddies, I literally use a random number generator to determine the order in which I will booty call them on my way home from work. I have not slept in my own bed in a month. I just keep half my clothes hanging in my car or in a suitcase.
ok now I feel liek a very drunk human instead of a chaos being thanks water
MY WHOLE FAMLY IS TALKING ABOUT MY BUTT
WAIT I'M COMING I WANT TO TALK ABOUT IT TOO
I gave him morning sex, a bag of cookies, and dropped him off at work. I believe I deserve the "best hookup award."
I'm drinking apple juice and champagne while watching crossroads..like the classy bitch that i am.
I've had more orgasms than showers this week.
As I was blowing him, he proceeded to tell me that his friend who I blew years ago gave me a five star review on my BJ skills. And, he agrees.
Atta girl.
I just want to feed you taquitos and play with your boner and live happily ever after
Randomize
