Tell her you can forgive her unacceptable behavior because her dad and his dog weren't married when they conceived her.
You know you're on day 1 of your period when the new mcdonalds commercial makes you cry
Why do I have peacock feathers super glued to my body?
Mmmhmmm sure, nice try, but there's certain wounds that only bj's can heal
You were almost as fucked up as I was the night I hooked up with a bob saget look alike...
It was awesome explaining why I had a tiger with boxers in my bed, a little bit drunk, to a girl in a pre-sex moment
is it bad that my walk of shame involves the church shuttle?
I should work for the FBI. Or planned parenthood.
That's quite a broad spectrum. What did you do?
that was THE gayest party i've ever been to
To be fair, the theme was Cabaret. I don't know what you were expecting.
I didn't have the heart to tell him that the reason my vagina was so "prelubricated" was because I had just had another gentleman caller an hour earlier. So, when he commented about how turned on I appeared, I just went with it.
I should not be so motivated by a penis, but I am
I am having the most awesome nonsexual conversation about my vagina right now
I swear man, you fly across the country to give a boy your virginity and he suddenly thinks you like him
What?? I could've slept with an ordained minister!
Totes just ripped ass and the bartender's eyes got wet
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