id tell you what to do, but my morals dont exactly scream, "Listen to this guy!"
god I hate her. why can't she just fuck and leave like a normal slut.
Just made a makeshift menthol by rolling a listerine strip into a regular cigarette... Poor? Who, me?
Make me a sandwich
The day you make me feel like my detachable showerhead does I'll make you a sandwich.
Did you just reference Ludacris during my possible pregnancy scare of 2012?!
You slammed your forties down on the table and yelled "I AM EDWARD FORTYHANDS" then mumbled something about repping Idaho like a champ and laid down on the couch.
Nothing is better than seeing someone you fucked go to the Olympics. I feel so American.
You burned the hair off your arms. Again.
It grows back stronger each time.
If I ever go to Canada, I'm fucking the maple syrup out of his Canadian ass.
it is my last wish that my tale be published posthumously as a warning to anyone thinking of eating burger king at nine am
she walked in on me throwing up in the sink with my pants around my ankles and I said "i'll be with you in a sec"
You keep talking about hotdogs and yelling "COME ON DOWN, LET ME SEE WHAT YOU'RE WEARING"
THEY'RE TEXTING LIKE MIDDLE AGED SOCCER MOMS WHAT DO I DO
Refresh my memory....were we forced to leave or did we choose to leave?
Dude, I'm at a wedding and there's a mashed potato bar and bacon strip appetizers. I'm getting all emotional.
Randomize
