u know u need to get laid when watching mike wazowskis gf from monsters inc makes u horny
i swear i just saw perry the platypus. the fuck dude. i shouldnt even know who that is
i'm watching the draft and making cookies. how am i still single?
We were driving to the party as he was giving me key bumps.. That's what I call team work
I don't think he wanted to hear that my most serious relationship was my 1 1/2 year fuck buddy... I think he figured out that's where he's heading
I think the main reason you were throwing up so much was the quart of soap you chugged trying to burp bubbles. you came close
Um...any recollection of peeing in the pantry
When I take mushrooms I can feel your presence down there. I can feel where Africa is too.
I just set a bowl of cap n crunch on fire. That high.
Great night. I'm in the middle of explaining to her how the stock market works and she just rips my pants off and starts blowing me. Nerdiest blowjob ever.
I just ate cottage cheese and went to the gym at 6 this morning...the things i'll do because I might get naked in front of a new boy
oh, i solved that problem. i told him i wanted to steal my roommate's nephew. radio silence. haven't heard from him since.
It was great. He never spoke.
That's not why it was great, just that's all I remember.
I mean, she's batshit insane and once choked a guy with one hand but she's still MILF material in my book.
yeah, but I wanna be the girl that makes him realize he's 100% gay
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