I'm gonna keep this simple. I threw up in your pillow case. Sorry.
Do you think girls in gamma phi sit around and think about how much they suck?
I just drank Colt45 out of a champagne glass. I feel classy.
Colt 45 out of anything is classy.
at 6am he came into my room and kicked me in the stomach. when i finally got up he was passed out in my hallway and the bathtub water was running
I opened my package from my mom today. She put four bottles of tequila in the bottom under my ducky slippers. She knows me way to well.
I am just pathetic enough to be sitting on the couch with my cat drinking absinthe and vodka watching moulin rouge. Hello, tuesday night.
We ended up debating which Food Network host would do best in porn.
Seriously, I'm making a calendar and marking off the days with little penis's
Ive been thinking this might sound random.. But we need a piano in our house next year specifically for railing chicks on it.
Send me one of your boob pics as an example. I mean this in the straightest least lesbian way possible.
are you just sitting in your hotel room drinking popsicle vodka?
.....well anything sounds bad when you say it like THAT
It's Friday the 13th and you just got boned by a guy named Jason....
He said I was really mad at him on Friday. Dude I fell asleep in all my clothes and shoes, with my flashlight on, on my phone... I could have been mad at the wall. It wasn't my classiest day.
I was mad at him...then I jerked off. Now I'm over it. Orgasms fix everything, I swear.
Last time I went to flagstaff I threw up in my beard. I would very much like to recreate that moment.
DO IT!
Randomize
