Maybe my heart is located in my vagina
because you can't take the autistic girl you're babysitting on a blunt ride.
Pretty sure I saw a dude across the room give this girl the international hand gesture for "I'm going to fist you later", she seemed ok with it.
I made two strippers play rock paper scissors to see who would give me a lap dance last night
this is the second time in my life i thought i might need to go to rehab. im including all the mornings that i wake up in dewey beach as "the first time"
whatever buzz i had immediately ended when i saw her run through a sliding glass door
I have too much respect and admiration for my dick to put it into a situation where he could possibly be killed
He drank his beer out of his own shoe. Its his "party trick"
You finished the fifth and then hid two dozen eggs around your apartment and declare that you would "quest for Jesus". Have fun questing today.
I just had to kick out lesbian wedding crashers. They literally wanted to punch me. I threatened to call the cops so they went outside and smoked a joint.
I went to her house she had a kid pool in her living room watching the vacation channel drinking rum out of the bottle saying" life is what you make it. Mines a vacation!!!"
Their children would look like the Michelin man and smell like chef Boyardee
His phone started ringing when we were pulled over and he said 'hold on, this is most likely more important than you', proceeded to answer it and agree to work sunday, then hung up, looked at the cop and told him to continue.
just walked passed a black light...apparently he DID cum.
there's no judgement here...i was recently just fingered in my dorm hallway while having a conversation with 5 people.
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