just saw a DUI checkpoint outside of a taco bell...i feel like thats cheating...
the jail released me with 39 mardi gras beads. I need details.
Dont tell her I prefer to have an aura of mystique surronding me and my penis.
I woke up with a stapler in my ass. Don't even complain to me.
Ever since the Christmas fiasco of '08, I can no longer watch Rudolf the Red nosed reindeer without getting a hard on
So. Somehow managed to fuck my contacts out of my eyes. Didn't know that was even possible.
I genuinely attribute some of my blowjob skills to playing saxophone in highschool
I'm currently on a bowling date with my girlfriend and her boyfriend. It's pretty fun.
We were having margaritas and I was saying "back when I was drinking..." They looked all confused. Then I realized "holy shit they think THIS is drinking?"
I think my fortune cookie is telling me I give good blowjobs.
I'm serenading his dick with my words. I understand how poets get inspiration now.
Don't let me pee the bed... Its going to be one of those weekends
Also. Picked being late to work over the maid finding my vibrator. Life choices....
He pulled out a Plan B pill and handed it to me as I left like it was a party favor. God Bless America.
I dunno about you, but I consider getting eaten out on the porch of a houseboat in -30c in a bridesmaids dress a northern right of passage
Randomize
