Hey it's Austin.
I am not drunk enough for this conversation.
He fucked my earring out of my ear. Of course he's coming over again.
I woke up on the stairs at of a Disneyland hotel. Yes, my night was amazing.
dude there is absolutely no room for a slide in our room
WHY ARE YOU POKING HOLES IN MY 3AM LOGIC?!
Because selling drugs to kids never goes out of business. We get older, they stay the same stupid.
So who was trying to make it rain last night in the bathroom? There are pieces of dollar bill everywhere
Next Halloween, remind me to find a different wingman. Walking out in your pirate costume talking like Captain Ahab while i was banging her and telling me I had to harpoon the white whale really pissed her off.
Don't get me wrong, the sex itself is amazing, but I don't think I will EVER get used to her habit of singing lines Jesus christ super star when she is about to cum.
If by "Are you high?" u mean "Did you just pass out at Genghis Grill walking to your table and falceplant?" the answer is yes.
He pulled a bucket of fried chicken out of his backpack as a peace offering. Under the chicken was a rainbow bag of weed. We're dating again.
A man in a black on black escalade pulled up next to me, and told me he was sent to pick me up by you.
His name is Tyreece. He will take you to the weed emporium, population me.
Look at the picture I MADE him take with me...like why??? He's holding my foot?
Yes I am wallowing. There is a significant lack of cookie dough
You started sleep walking, went to my closet, tried to pee on my boots, and when I asked you what you were doing you said "I'm talking to these people about jobs"
Randomize
