when I'm not with you everything just looks like crayon scribble
Most awkward sex ever...
And im texting you in the middle.
We got so high yesterday we tried watching soccer
my passenger side seat is covered in alcoholic jello with a nude mannequin in it
This Xanax laced vodka tonic will help me forget that all these spring breakers are all young enough to have been my students.
Oh my god I'm so bored. The virgin is so disinteresting when I'm not trying to cum on her face.
i woke up to you and that girl going out onto the balcony naked
oh sorry man.. we went outside because we DIDN'T want to wake you
His cat must have been laying on his dick, because now my face is covered in hives
dude, my hangover is telling me there was tequila involved
To show us how offended you were you took off the right foot of your pterodactyl suit and proceeded to attack us with it.
He used his penis as a drumstick on my back and had me guess what song he was playing.
JB just got pulled over and I am in the trunk...... this isnt good
My chance to home wreck was right in front of me and I didn’t grab it by the balls
So hungover that I might just sit in my car and wait until chipotle opens...in two hours...
First day of school is awesome. I get to meet my students and figure out which of their mothers I’ I’m going to bang
Randomize
