Well, its 5:30am and you haven't let me in, I guess ill go home
So he ended up having sex with me, but it was so awkward. When it was over, he went to the bathroom, and he came back and asked, "are you on your period or something? there's blood on my dick..." and i said, "well it was supposed to start today, nice surprise...i am so embarrassed." and he said ,"it's better than you queefing." and as soon as he said that, i queef the hardest and loudest i ever had.
last thing I heard her say before I passed out was 'this is great. I never get to be the big spoon.'
still haven't packed clothes. only wine. gotta love spring break
just when i thought we would make it home without incident he tried to walk a police dog
It's like his dick is pushing through his pants and driving him over here.
Its only.eleven and we are already chasing a man on a bike with a bag full of burger king
On 3 separate occasions, she grabbed my bullhorn to announce to the entire party she had fucked me.
I live vicariously through you. No one mistakes me for a hooker anymore. I look like a stay at home mom of three. On bad days of four.
Seriously, this apartment is covered in body glitter. This chick musta been a huuuuuge slut. How do you get it across every surface?
Do you have any forwarding contact info?
He threw up on my head while I was blowing him, and then I started barfing, and the kitchen floor was a mess. Believe me, he will never, ever live this down.
But on the plus side, what he lacked in size he made up for with speed. And grunting.
I may or may not of seen my high school physics teacher making out with my old high school boyfriend at the bar last night
I'm not even 100% sure what it is, but if it involves Thor and Doritos, I'm in
Unless your apology includes a 20 something with loose morals and a daddy complex, I'm am not interested
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