He was all up on my grill like I was having a BBQ. I DONT EVEN KNOW HOW TO USE A GRILL.
Note to Self: No matter how horny, turned on or in the moment you are, never go down on your gf after she had soccer practice.
So did the night end well for you?
I stole a traffic cone and drunk texted my sister because i couldn't think of any other girl to text
Is puking blood really that bad of a sign? Can we pretend this is okay?
It's okay.
It's like playing clue with my own life. I have to piece together what I did, where I was, how I did it, and who I did it to
FUCK BUDDYS DON'T HOLD HANDS. NO EXCEPTIONS.
I feel like I got hit by a truck. Or a baby dinosaur. One of them ran over my body and then stuck me in a blender of fire and storm clouds
I'm just going to lay in a blanket cocoon of self pity for the next few months.
On a completely different note: my hookup and i are now in a semester GPA competition. Winner gets froyo and sexual favors. School just got interesting.....
You did a body shot out of her belly button with a bendy straw.
By NOT going to the gym, I'm helping my future. I don't want stripping, prostitution, or porn to be viable money making options.
It's days like today, when my bra and underwear match, that make me feel like I'm getting my life together...
Why can't you just come over, fuck me, then leave so i can get stoned and watch law and order?
HIS DICK IS GLORIOUS AND I WANT TO RIDE IT TO VALHALLA
And I had on a penis ring on the whole time at dinner. And I ate veal...
Randomize
