She made me add her as a friend on fb before she got into my bed... I sense a stalker
Wow, you know I need to stop drinking alone when I pour my drink into my hand and offer it to my dog,
i don't think my family understands the severity of a twenty first birthday.
Just tried to use the bottle of Sprite in my car as mouthwash to get the taste of puke out of my mouth- it's half vodka. Puked again. Thanks man.
I tried to force my roommate into a sink last night. And I almost won.
I rolled joints beforehand. Lit a candle. Ghetto rigged taping the 40's on my hands and then lit the joint using the flame of the candle.
I'm so proud of your modern ingenuity
I'm sitting in Starbucks, waiting for direction in my life, or it to be 8 p.m. Whatever comes first.
sometimes, you gotta take him by the hands like tails took sonic, and fly him into the bedroom.
I just got a lecture from your coked out sister about the monetary value of Dothraki hair braids. Take her home.
i'm eating pizza lunchables and telling my boyfriend he can do better than me because i am a functional adult
I woke up at 3:30 this morning to pee. Luckily, I didn't have to travel far as I was asleep in my CLOSET on my yoga mat. Good news is I had a pillow...
I woke up in the basement of a pizza restaurant... I would say the tequila hit me pretty hard.
She was a little thick, but we banged on the beach and fireworks went off as we finished so I think God wanted it
I just saw a guy in a zippo shirt buy 2 gallons of fire starter fluid and then proceed to smoke a cigarette. I feel like hes got some big plans for his tuesday.
Rough birthday weekend. Eating McDonalds in the shower and used a fifth of sky as a pillow last night
Randomize
